amoryalegria79's Blog

So it's been a rather eventful weekend. Some people who called themselves friends, jumped to conclusions and attacked me on facebook, calling my pup "rotten" when my pup had nothing to do with anything. The conclusions were made and I was never able to defend myself, but they expected it to be forgotten overnight. I'm not the kind of person who holds grudges, but I also don't want to associate myself with anyone who believes it's ok to say such harsh things to me, and assume it will be gone and forgotten only to go and do the same thing again. It feels very umm I'm gonna say frustrating, for lack of a better word at the moment, to have to read such horrible assumptions that are wrong and uncalled for, and not have the chance to defend myself. Then I'm the bad person for not wanting to continue our so called friendship. It just feels like I'm being bullied. I don't know many people here, so as lonely as I felt already, it is very hurtful and overwhelming to have most people you know against you. It makes it worse feeling like a stranger in my own home. In the mix of this, I broke up with my partner on friday, so she  tried to put me in a mental health hospital on sunday, based on her own diagnosis. No I wasn't having a panic attack,  I wasn't hurting myself or anyone else, and I already see my therapist once a week and my doctor once or twice a month. Now I feel rather beat, and very much like a sitting duck, as I have no money to get back to TX at the moment.

Feeling stuck, is overwhelming. As another day goes by, my mind and heart are torn in many different directions. What do I do from here? Will I have the strength to do what I have to do to be happy? Will the guilt consume me yet again? Am I wrong? I want to feel free. I want to be visible. I want to love and be loved. I just want to be happy.